Friday, February 20, 2004
THE 6 NATIONS IS HERE!!
Featuring:
The Nuclear Winter of Mediocre Rugby
Business as Usual
Who's that lot playing in the Red?
The Wasps or Saracens Pension Fund
The dust hath finally settled on the rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, slings and arrows, bobs and weaves, er..Morcambes and Wises etc and England's win is now consigned to the back burner of the enormous rugby union stove. We here at RugbyWorlds are big on the grand metaphors as you can tell and we have a grand description for what Rugby was on offer over the winter: total shite.
It's not their fault really, under normal circumstances the Heineken Cup, the European Shield and domestic leagues are pretty decent viewing (unless you're an Ebbw Vale fan obviously), but after the hype and wonder of the RWC it all seems a bit small fry. As the ever enlightened man in the pub said to us just last week "Fuck me, Gwent Dragons have got some shite playing for them haven't they? I mean who the fuck's he there? That one? No, him with the cap on? Well the useless sod's just knocked on whoever he is". A very beautiful and poetic summation of what we have faced.... until now!
The first weekend of fixtures in the 6 nations has thrown up mostly predictable results and viewing: England won convincingly, France won quite convincingly and Scotland plumbed as yet uncharted depths of shiteness. Even their new coach's beatifully quaffourred barnet could not save them.
However one big change was the team in the Red. Up until November of last year they were known as Wales, however that particular team seem to have gone missing and have been replaced by some alien invaders who know how to play rugby. Having said that though, it was only Scotland that they beat. We here at RugbyWorlds took a weekend away in Cardiff and on passing the Scottish training ground, buoyed up by our 5 pints of Stella, we dedided to challenge them to a game. However there were only 6 of us so we had to make up numbers from passers by, and so it was that Scotland lost a training match to 6 pissed lads, a eastern european asylum seeker, 2 Jack Russells and 4 japanese tourists.
But we digress, to be fair to Wales (we know it's them really) they have come on leaps and bounds, there are whispers that they now want Steve Hansen to stay. When you consider this against the press he received after the last 6 nations ("HANSEN OUT", and "GET BACK TO AUCKLAND YOU MISERABLE, USELESS FUCKSTICK"*, and "HANSEN NEEDS HIS BOLLOCKS BATTERING WITH A CROQUET MALLET!"*) then this is an amazing turn of events.
*These headlines may be paraphrased
*! Advertisement Feature:
The Wasps or Saracens Mutual Pension Plan
Craig Dowd talks about the Wasps or Saracens Pension Plan:
"Are you worried about the future? Let's face it, we're not getting any younger and we all have to think about our expenses after we are past our sell by date."
If you're aged between 30 and 50 and once played international rugby, then you are eligible for the Wasps or Saracens Pension Plan. You could receive up to ã250,000 a year, there's no medical, no salesperson will call and at no point will your loss of pace, lack of ability or your lousy attitude be questioned. Call now and you will receive a charming carriage clock as our gift to you.
Here are just some of the comments made by satisfied customers of the Wasps or Saracens Pension Plan:
"I know my children will be financially secure for the rest of their lives" Abdel Benazzi, France
"I recommend the Wasps or Saracens pension plan to all my family and friends." T Horan, Sydney
"This pension plan has supplemented my current pension just when I thought it was too late. I could not believe the money they were offering at my age!" M Offiah, Wigan
"The generosity of the Wasps or Saracens pension plan is unmatched in the world of pension finance and support. It was the best move I have ever made. They even gave me a staff job afterwards!" F Pienaar, London
"Even when I thought I was too old, Wasps or Saracens were prepared to supplement my pension with an outrageous offer." C Dowd, London
Featuring:
The Nuclear Winter of Mediocre Rugby
Business as Usual
Who's that lot playing in the Red?
The Wasps or Saracens Pension Fund
The dust hath finally settled on the rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, slings and arrows, bobs and weaves, er..Morcambes and Wises etc and England's win is now consigned to the back burner of the enormous rugby union stove. We here at RugbyWorlds are big on the grand metaphors as you can tell and we have a grand description for what Rugby was on offer over the winter: total shite.
It's not their fault really, under normal circumstances the Heineken Cup, the European Shield and domestic leagues are pretty decent viewing (unless you're an Ebbw Vale fan obviously), but after the hype and wonder of the RWC it all seems a bit small fry. As the ever enlightened man in the pub said to us just last week "Fuck me, Gwent Dragons have got some shite playing for them haven't they? I mean who the fuck's he there? That one? No, him with the cap on? Well the useless sod's just knocked on whoever he is". A very beautiful and poetic summation of what we have faced.... until now!
The first weekend of fixtures in the 6 nations has thrown up mostly predictable results and viewing: England won convincingly, France won quite convincingly and Scotland plumbed as yet uncharted depths of shiteness. Even their new coach's beatifully quaffourred barnet could not save them.
However one big change was the team in the Red. Up until November of last year they were known as Wales, however that particular team seem to have gone missing and have been replaced by some alien invaders who know how to play rugby. Having said that though, it was only Scotland that they beat. We here at RugbyWorlds took a weekend away in Cardiff and on passing the Scottish training ground, buoyed up by our 5 pints of Stella, we dedided to challenge them to a game. However there were only 6 of us so we had to make up numbers from passers by, and so it was that Scotland lost a training match to 6 pissed lads, a eastern european asylum seeker, 2 Jack Russells and 4 japanese tourists.
But we digress, to be fair to Wales (we know it's them really) they have come on leaps and bounds, there are whispers that they now want Steve Hansen to stay. When you consider this against the press he received after the last 6 nations ("HANSEN OUT", and "GET BACK TO AUCKLAND YOU MISERABLE, USELESS FUCKSTICK"*, and "HANSEN NEEDS HIS BOLLOCKS BATTERING WITH A CROQUET MALLET!"*) then this is an amazing turn of events.
*These headlines may be paraphrased
*! Advertisement Feature:
The Wasps or Saracens Mutual Pension Plan
Craig Dowd talks about the Wasps or Saracens Pension Plan:
"Are you worried about the future? Let's face it, we're not getting any younger and we all have to think about our expenses after we are past our sell by date."
If you're aged between 30 and 50 and once played international rugby, then you are eligible for the Wasps or Saracens Pension Plan. You could receive up to ã250,000 a year, there's no medical, no salesperson will call and at no point will your loss of pace, lack of ability or your lousy attitude be questioned. Call now and you will receive a charming carriage clock as our gift to you.
Here are just some of the comments made by satisfied customers of the Wasps or Saracens Pension Plan:
"I know my children will be financially secure for the rest of their lives" Abdel Benazzi, France
"I recommend the Wasps or Saracens pension plan to all my family and friends." T Horan, Sydney
"This pension plan has supplemented my current pension just when I thought it was too late. I could not believe the money they were offering at my age!" M Offiah, Wigan
"The generosity of the Wasps or Saracens pension plan is unmatched in the world of pension finance and support. It was the best move I have ever made. They even gave me a staff job afterwards!" F Pienaar, London
"Even when I thought I was too old, Wasps or Saracens were prepared to supplement my pension with an outrageous offer." C Dowd, London
Monday, November 24, 2003
Edna Everage, Kylie Minogue, Toadfish off Neighbours, David Campese, INXS, Harry Kewell, Jason Donovan, Mrs Mangel, The one with the high voice from Savage Garden, Midnight Oil, Ian Thorpe, Holly Valance, Paul Hogan, HEAR ME NOW....YOUR BOYS TOOK ONE HELL OF A BEATING!!!!
Yes, oh yes, yes we say and yes once more. England have finally not only won something of note, but they have actually beaten the Aussies as well and to be honest we here at RugbyWorlds don't really know what to make of it all. After a lifetime of being perpetually and mercilessly disappointed by our sportsmen this feeling they call "winning" is very strange and quite frankly difficult to deal with.
But what a game! England made only one change to their team for the final, Mike "Boglin" Tindall coming in for Mike "Shagger" Catt (see Nov 10 column), no doubt to counter the threat of the Aussies having a Scottish Third Division Team, Stirling Mortlock, in the centre.
It was tight all the way, not helped by the whole England back division having an attack of spaz-hands in the second half, and thus being unable to pressurise the Aussies in their own half as they should. Also, note to Trevor Woodman: You are a Prop, your job is to run blindly into the opposition, you are not a fat Carlos Spencer. Remember this mantra next time you think about throwing a reverse pass "Me thick forward, me run at men, me get sweets at end of game", this should see you through quite nicely.
Australia scored first, Larkham hoofing a cross kick that Tuqiri beat Robinson to in the air, not surprisingly seeing as Robbo is wee and Tuqiri is 9 feet tall. The RFU are seeking a new ruling to make it illegal to field wingers that have a height difference of over 3 feet, therefore negating the chance of such a score ever happening again. England scored through a lovely move finished off by Saint Jason of Robinson, but ultimately the accolades go to the Golden Adonis of Wonder that is Jonny Wilkinson. His reaction was typical of him after the game, answering how he felt and what he was going to do now he said " I feel alright and I am off to play solitaire and look at colour charts for the bathroom". Go Jonny, you crazy bastard! Fair do's, he's a hero but he's duller than Dull Dan McDull of Dreary, Ohio, winner of the 2003 Paralysis Inducing Boredom World Championship.
Wilko Interview or Grass Growing? decisions, decisions...
Talk now turns to who is going to retire. Gregan has said he will play on, which puts the Hot Chocolate reunion off for another cabaret season, still waiting to hear from Johnson, Back Dallaglio and Leonard.
George Gregan at Butlins, Skegness in 2002
Finally we come to the performance of Referee Dr Dre Watson and his new gameshow to be broadcast on Channel 5, "The Front Row Fun Whistle Lottery". The object of the game is very simple, the contestant who can penalise the team in White the most wins a timeshare on a caravan in Filey. Simply allow the teams to pack down and then no matter what happens blow the whistle and give a penalty against the white team. Even if they are going forward and driving the other team off the ball against the head. Even if every logical thought is suggesting that they would not even attempt to infringe in such a position you must blow against the white team. You will then be crowned "I Just Fucking Guessed To Be Honest" Champion of the World, runners up will receive a "That'll Teach Vickery to Piss Me Off" t shirt.
But it is all over now and we here at RugbyWorlds now have a winter of league & cup domestic Rugby to think of. Yes, depressing thought isn't it....
RUGBY LEAGUE ASHES UPDATE: Oh for fuck's sake, I've had enough of this, useless set of twats.
Yes, oh yes, yes we say and yes once more. England have finally not only won something of note, but they have actually beaten the Aussies as well and to be honest we here at RugbyWorlds don't really know what to make of it all. After a lifetime of being perpetually and mercilessly disappointed by our sportsmen this feeling they call "winning" is very strange and quite frankly difficult to deal with.
But what a game! England made only one change to their team for the final, Mike "Boglin" Tindall coming in for Mike "Shagger" Catt (see Nov 10 column), no doubt to counter the threat of the Aussies having a Scottish Third Division Team, Stirling Mortlock, in the centre.
It was tight all the way, not helped by the whole England back division having an attack of spaz-hands in the second half, and thus being unable to pressurise the Aussies in their own half as they should. Also, note to Trevor Woodman: You are a Prop, your job is to run blindly into the opposition, you are not a fat Carlos Spencer. Remember this mantra next time you think about throwing a reverse pass "Me thick forward, me run at men, me get sweets at end of game", this should see you through quite nicely.
Australia scored first, Larkham hoofing a cross kick that Tuqiri beat Robinson to in the air, not surprisingly seeing as Robbo is wee and Tuqiri is 9 feet tall. The RFU are seeking a new ruling to make it illegal to field wingers that have a height difference of over 3 feet, therefore negating the chance of such a score ever happening again. England scored through a lovely move finished off by Saint Jason of Robinson, but ultimately the accolades go to the Golden Adonis of Wonder that is Jonny Wilkinson. His reaction was typical of him after the game, answering how he felt and what he was going to do now he said " I feel alright and I am off to play solitaire and look at colour charts for the bathroom". Go Jonny, you crazy bastard! Fair do's, he's a hero but he's duller than Dull Dan McDull of Dreary, Ohio, winner of the 2003 Paralysis Inducing Boredom World Championship.
Wilko Interview or Grass Growing? decisions, decisions...
Talk now turns to who is going to retire. Gregan has said he will play on, which puts the Hot Chocolate reunion off for another cabaret season, still waiting to hear from Johnson, Back Dallaglio and Leonard.
George Gregan at Butlins, Skegness in 2002
Finally we come to the performance of Referee Dr Dre Watson and his new gameshow to be broadcast on Channel 5, "The Front Row Fun Whistle Lottery". The object of the game is very simple, the contestant who can penalise the team in White the most wins a timeshare on a caravan in Filey. Simply allow the teams to pack down and then no matter what happens blow the whistle and give a penalty against the white team. Even if they are going forward and driving the other team off the ball against the head. Even if every logical thought is suggesting that they would not even attempt to infringe in such a position you must blow against the white team. You will then be crowned "I Just Fucking Guessed To Be Honest" Champion of the World, runners up will receive a "That'll Teach Vickery to Piss Me Off" t shirt.
But it is all over now and we here at RugbyWorlds now have a winter of league & cup domestic Rugby to think of. Yes, depressing thought isn't it....
RUGBY LEAGUE ASHES UPDATE: Oh for fuck's sake, I've had enough of this, useless set of twats.
Monday, November 17, 2003
RWC SEMI FINAL UPDATE!
Featuring:
New Zealand Plan B analysis
England go back to the Old Skool
Bend it like Dominici!
Aussie Journalism
Can't wait for the 3rd place play off?
Well, it's down to the final two now, the decider, the climax. One thing is for certain, no matter how good or bad a game the final is it will still be a damn sight better then the other climax this week has seen, the release of the final Matrix film, which is absolute gash.
New Zealand knew what to do, simply play as they did against the Boks and a place in the final was theirs, and the Aussies could fuck off and shut up moaning (fat chance). However it did not quite work like that. We here at RugbyWorlds were puzzled and sent our Sydney correspondent to investigate and they have managed to get hold of a copy of John Mitchell's coaching manual for this game. It goes some way to explaining what happened to the men in black:
All Black Strategy vs Aus 15th Nov.
TOP SECRET!!
Mitchell: Tactical genius?
Plan A:
Play as we did last week, dominate up front, Carlos to weave his majic, 30 point spread inevitable.
If Plan A fails, go to Plan B...
Plan B:
Be totally and utterly shite for 80 minutes.
Of course the players must take some blame, none more so than Reuben Thorne, the world's first mute captain. Seriously, you never see him speak on the pitch, and this is the only explanation we can come up with (the same as women must drink one another's piss, the only reason we can muster as to why they always go to the bog in twos). But to be fair, it must be hard to get across motivational speeches and tactics during breaks in play when you have to write everything in chalk on a blackboard hanging around your neck.
The press reaction in NZ has been balanced as usual, with headlines stating "Mitchell Must Go", "Die Mitchell Die", and "Mitchell: Bad Coach and Goat Rapist" (Some of the previous headlines may be paraphrased).
England have obviously been caught up in the whole Crappy Christmas Compilations frenzy. With all the adverts on telly for the likes of "The Best 1980s Album Ever", "Greatest Hits of the 70s Mullet Bands" and "Songs You Groped Girls to as a Teenager" it seems the England team decided to compile their own Nostalgic Greatest Hits on the pitch against France.
New from Nostalgic Bollocks records:
ENGLAND RUGBY OLD SKOOL HITS!!
Including:
1. Kick it Number 10 (Judge Touch remix)
2. Winger, he a bored MuthaFucka
3. Drive it Again (maul mix feat. DJ Up the Jumper)
4. Open Play is Gay
5. I Like to Mauly (Everybody Does)
6. Drop the Goal (Rob Andrew mix)
7. Mike Teague Overture
8. Creative Abyss (Dominant Pack Posse remix)
9. Up n Under, Feel the Thunder
10. Grindin' Results (3 Pointer mix)
11. Divin' Over Yo' Ruck, MoFo
DJ Wilko
Special mention to Christophe Dominici for his Jackie Chan/Eric Cantona style leg sweep on Jason Robinson, after the latter's side step made him look as co-ordinated as RugbyWorlds' Uncle Brian trying to do the Time Warp at a wedding ("A jump to the left he said Brian! No, bend your bloody knees in time not your feet. Oh for Christ's sake I give up!!) And also it was very considerate of Frederic Michalak to wear his Toblerone boots for the day as well.
PRESS SPECIAL!
During this whole world cup the Aussie press have been having a go at the English play, especially after the semi final. I wonder how they would report on football if they took the same apprach?
THE DAILY ENGLISH
BRAZIL 3 ENGLAND 0!!
Our lads made to look stupid, outperformed once again, SVEN MUST GO!!
THE DAILY AUSSIE
BRAZIL 3 AUSTRALIA 0
Boring Brazil far too reliant on Ronaldo who predictably scored all the goals. Change to offside laws must be sought to prevent this type of football flourishing.
Advertisement Feature
SPECIAL OFFER!!
Couldn't Give a Flying Fuck Rugby Tour Company
Does your idea of a good time involve standing in a half empty stadium watching second string teams play a match when they would rather be down the pub? Do you long to see the type of half committed rugby that you wouldn't look out of your kitchen window to see if it was being played in your back yard? Maybe you want to see players walk around depressed for 80 minutes because the organisers think that anyone gives a shit as to who is the third best team in the world as if somehow it really fucking matters?
You know the NZ and France players would rather be eating their own excrement than be there, so come and join the fun!!
CALL THIS NUMBER NOW for tickets to the 3rd place play-off!
Ticket Coldline: 07813 BAG-OF-SHIT
Rugby League Ashes Update: Fucking bottlers fucking blew it, fuckers.
Featuring:
New Zealand Plan B analysis
England go back to the Old Skool
Bend it like Dominici!
Aussie Journalism
Can't wait for the 3rd place play off?
Well, it's down to the final two now, the decider, the climax. One thing is for certain, no matter how good or bad a game the final is it will still be a damn sight better then the other climax this week has seen, the release of the final Matrix film, which is absolute gash.
New Zealand knew what to do, simply play as they did against the Boks and a place in the final was theirs, and the Aussies could fuck off and shut up moaning (fat chance). However it did not quite work like that. We here at RugbyWorlds were puzzled and sent our Sydney correspondent to investigate and they have managed to get hold of a copy of John Mitchell's coaching manual for this game. It goes some way to explaining what happened to the men in black:
All Black Strategy vs Aus 15th Nov.
TOP SECRET!!
Mitchell: Tactical genius?
Plan A:
Play as we did last week, dominate up front, Carlos to weave his majic, 30 point spread inevitable.
If Plan A fails, go to Plan B...
Plan B:
Be totally and utterly shite for 80 minutes.
Of course the players must take some blame, none more so than Reuben Thorne, the world's first mute captain. Seriously, you never see him speak on the pitch, and this is the only explanation we can come up with (the same as women must drink one another's piss, the only reason we can muster as to why they always go to the bog in twos). But to be fair, it must be hard to get across motivational speeches and tactics during breaks in play when you have to write everything in chalk on a blackboard hanging around your neck.
The press reaction in NZ has been balanced as usual, with headlines stating "Mitchell Must Go", "Die Mitchell Die", and "Mitchell: Bad Coach and Goat Rapist" (Some of the previous headlines may be paraphrased).
England have obviously been caught up in the whole Crappy Christmas Compilations frenzy. With all the adverts on telly for the likes of "The Best 1980s Album Ever", "Greatest Hits of the 70s Mullet Bands" and "Songs You Groped Girls to as a Teenager" it seems the England team decided to compile their own Nostalgic Greatest Hits on the pitch against France.
New from Nostalgic Bollocks records:
ENGLAND RUGBY OLD SKOOL HITS!!
Including:
1. Kick it Number 10 (Judge Touch remix)
2. Winger, he a bored MuthaFucka
3. Drive it Again (maul mix feat. DJ Up the Jumper)
4. Open Play is Gay
5. I Like to Mauly (Everybody Does)
6. Drop the Goal (Rob Andrew mix)
7. Mike Teague Overture
8. Creative Abyss (Dominant Pack Posse remix)
9. Up n Under, Feel the Thunder
10. Grindin' Results (3 Pointer mix)
11. Divin' Over Yo' Ruck, MoFo
DJ Wilko
Special mention to Christophe Dominici for his Jackie Chan/Eric Cantona style leg sweep on Jason Robinson, after the latter's side step made him look as co-ordinated as RugbyWorlds' Uncle Brian trying to do the Time Warp at a wedding ("A jump to the left he said Brian! No, bend your bloody knees in time not your feet. Oh for Christ's sake I give up!!) And also it was very considerate of Frederic Michalak to wear his Toblerone boots for the day as well.
PRESS SPECIAL!
During this whole world cup the Aussie press have been having a go at the English play, especially after the semi final. I wonder how they would report on football if they took the same apprach?
THE DAILY ENGLISH
BRAZIL 3 ENGLAND 0!!
Our lads made to look stupid, outperformed once again, SVEN MUST GO!!
THE DAILY AUSSIE
BRAZIL 3 AUSTRALIA 0
Boring Brazil far too reliant on Ronaldo who predictably scored all the goals. Change to offside laws must be sought to prevent this type of football flourishing.
Advertisement Feature
SPECIAL OFFER!!
Couldn't Give a Flying Fuck Rugby Tour Company
Does your idea of a good time involve standing in a half empty stadium watching second string teams play a match when they would rather be down the pub? Do you long to see the type of half committed rugby that you wouldn't look out of your kitchen window to see if it was being played in your back yard? Maybe you want to see players walk around depressed for 80 minutes because the organisers think that anyone gives a shit as to who is the third best team in the world as if somehow it really fucking matters?
You know the NZ and France players would rather be eating their own excrement than be there, so come and join the fun!!
CALL THIS NUMBER NOW for tickets to the 3rd place play-off!
Ticket Coldline: 07813 BAG-OF-SHIT
Rugby League Ashes Update: Fucking bottlers fucking blew it, fuckers.
Monday, November 10, 2003
RWC QUARTER FINAL UPDATE!
Featuring:
This Catt, he a crazy kicking cat!
Wendell's Pugilistic Intention
Wood & Galthie declare their love
Where now for South Africa?
England are through! They did however play like a gang of winos who had been on the Special Brew/Electric White snakebite all day and then been asked to put a technic lego set together (the car, the one with the gears and reclining seats and everything!).
It was the introduction of Mike Catt that sorted it all out, no I can't belive I just said that either but its true, as his control and class especially with the boot penned Wales in their half and allowed England to rack up the points. Catt replaced Luger, whose name is obviously the same as a pistol but his display was the same as a steaming pile of horse plop, and brought much needed stability to the midfield. Bless Mike Tindall's heart, he runs all day and has a face only his mother could love, but he does seem a bit one dimensional when the going gets tough.
So why has Catt suddenly come good after years of flitting between being injured and being rubbish? I think the answer lies in the way he ran onto the field all springy, nimble footed and chest sticking out like a cockerel: That is the gait of a man who is getting some in the bed scrum!
Catt: a bit of how's your father?
Catt was brought into the squad last minute and probably thought that he had little chance of playing, so therefore he decided to ignore the "no sex" ruling imposed by the management and has been laying pipe for the whole four weeks. So, unlike the rest of the squad who are dragging round sacks packed with gallons of their own potato juice, Catt is moving like Timberlake. As hooker Steve Thompson didn't say last week, "I'm dying to crack one off, I've lost 2 yards of pace". A lesson for us all.
Australia beat Scotland, it bored us out of our crust, that's enough about the rugby. However I was impressed with Wendell Sailor, no not his play, but his Scrappy Doo "lemme at 'im, lemme at 'im" behaviour towards Stuart Grimes, the Scottish lock. Anyone who has watched Sailor thoughout his years in RL and RU knows that he is serious gobshite who the term all mouth and no trousers could've been invented for, but this was a particularly good example:
Wendell's Fight Club: The Rules
Sailor: a very annoying man
1. Swing a hopeless punch
2. Talk a lot whilst walking backwards
3. Ensure that at no time are you in range of a punch
4. Tell yourself what a big tough man you are.
5. Gaze at yourself in a mirror for 4 hours.
France were awesome, end of story really. As Woodward said after the Wales game, "If we play like that against France we will get fucked, both barrels, no mercy. And I will have to listen to those garlic sucking enemies of freedom bitching at me for the next 4 years" (parts of the previous quote may be a)untrue, or b) lifted from George Dubya Bush's speech to his daughter's class open day). Ireland battled hard, but suffered from a lack of class and too many ginger people in the team.
There was a touching moment at the end of the game when Wood and Galthie could finally declare their real feelings for each other. CBS are thinking of turning it into a TV movie, a story of true love across the divide of brutal international sport, starring David Schwimmer as Keith Wood and Meryl Streep as Fabien Galthie.
Wood & Galthie: ahhhhhh
"South Africa are out, god they were shite" said bloke in the pub on Saturday, how right he was and is. But where do they go from here? They have had 9 coaches in 11 years, a record that would make even Manchester City look stable, and they look surprisingly lacking in talent. A fact exemplified by their persistence with Joost van de Westhuizen when he has been absolutely rubbish this tournament, it's no good having 80 odd caps if your passing has a touch of cows arse an banjo about it son.
We here at Rugbyworlds have sympathy for the humourless bastards and have come up with a strategy to get SA rugby off its knees and at least up onto a pouffe, or a chair if we are lucky.
1. Never pick Louis Koen again because a) he has the creative talent of a carrot, and b) he looks like a toad.
2. Ensure that Joe van Niekerk is wrapped in bubble wrap for every game you ever play.
3. Deal with Geo Cronje properly, ie shave his beard off because any 23 year old with a beard like that can't help but look racist.
Cronje: Beard = Eeeeviiiiil!
4. Find a way to get poor people playing rugby.
There you go, simple really!
Featuring:
This Catt, he a crazy kicking cat!
Wendell's Pugilistic Intention
Wood & Galthie declare their love
Where now for South Africa?
England are through! They did however play like a gang of winos who had been on the Special Brew/Electric White snakebite all day and then been asked to put a technic lego set together (the car, the one with the gears and reclining seats and everything!).
It was the introduction of Mike Catt that sorted it all out, no I can't belive I just said that either but its true, as his control and class especially with the boot penned Wales in their half and allowed England to rack up the points. Catt replaced Luger, whose name is obviously the same as a pistol but his display was the same as a steaming pile of horse plop, and brought much needed stability to the midfield. Bless Mike Tindall's heart, he runs all day and has a face only his mother could love, but he does seem a bit one dimensional when the going gets tough.
So why has Catt suddenly come good after years of flitting between being injured and being rubbish? I think the answer lies in the way he ran onto the field all springy, nimble footed and chest sticking out like a cockerel: That is the gait of a man who is getting some in the bed scrum!
Catt: a bit of how's your father?
Catt was brought into the squad last minute and probably thought that he had little chance of playing, so therefore he decided to ignore the "no sex" ruling imposed by the management and has been laying pipe for the whole four weeks. So, unlike the rest of the squad who are dragging round sacks packed with gallons of their own potato juice, Catt is moving like Timberlake. As hooker Steve Thompson didn't say last week, "I'm dying to crack one off, I've lost 2 yards of pace". A lesson for us all.
Australia beat Scotland, it bored us out of our crust, that's enough about the rugby. However I was impressed with Wendell Sailor, no not his play, but his Scrappy Doo "lemme at 'im, lemme at 'im" behaviour towards Stuart Grimes, the Scottish lock. Anyone who has watched Sailor thoughout his years in RL and RU knows that he is serious gobshite who the term all mouth and no trousers could've been invented for, but this was a particularly good example:
Wendell's Fight Club: The Rules
Sailor: a very annoying man
1. Swing a hopeless punch
2. Talk a lot whilst walking backwards
3. Ensure that at no time are you in range of a punch
4. Tell yourself what a big tough man you are.
5. Gaze at yourself in a mirror for 4 hours.
France were awesome, end of story really. As Woodward said after the Wales game, "If we play like that against France we will get fucked, both barrels, no mercy. And I will have to listen to those garlic sucking enemies of freedom bitching at me for the next 4 years" (parts of the previous quote may be a)untrue, or b) lifted from George Dubya Bush's speech to his daughter's class open day). Ireland battled hard, but suffered from a lack of class and too many ginger people in the team.
There was a touching moment at the end of the game when Wood and Galthie could finally declare their real feelings for each other. CBS are thinking of turning it into a TV movie, a story of true love across the divide of brutal international sport, starring David Schwimmer as Keith Wood and Meryl Streep as Fabien Galthie.
Wood & Galthie: ahhhhhh
"South Africa are out, god they were shite" said bloke in the pub on Saturday, how right he was and is. But where do they go from here? They have had 9 coaches in 11 years, a record that would make even Manchester City look stable, and they look surprisingly lacking in talent. A fact exemplified by their persistence with Joost van de Westhuizen when he has been absolutely rubbish this tournament, it's no good having 80 odd caps if your passing has a touch of cows arse an banjo about it son.
We here at Rugbyworlds have sympathy for the humourless bastards and have come up with a strategy to get SA rugby off its knees and at least up onto a pouffe, or a chair if we are lucky.
1. Never pick Louis Koen again because a) he has the creative talent of a carrot, and b) he looks like a toad.
2. Ensure that Joe van Niekerk is wrapped in bubble wrap for every game you ever play.
3. Deal with Geo Cronje properly, ie shave his beard off because any 23 year old with a beard like that can't help but look racist.
Cronje: Beard = Eeeeviiiiil!
4. Find a way to get poor people playing rugby.
There you go, simple really!
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
We Have A Dream, oh yes!!
Many people have had visions of what could be if we have the will to succeed. Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream today” and of course Lionel Richie, in his 80s soul-sapping dirge Say You, Say Me , spoke of having “a dream, an awesome dream”. Of course dreams do vary in magnitude, King’s dream concerned freeing America from racial hatred, whereas Lionel’s was some bollocks about “people in the park, playing games in the dark”.
King: Hero and Legend, Richie: Shite
However, neither of their dreams can compare with the overwhelming wonder of the one we are having here at RugbyWorlds! What we are daring to see is Great Britain’s first Rugby League Ashes triumph since 1970. That's right, we've put up with 33 years of losing to those Green & Gold genetically criminal sods (in fact the last time we beat them Stevo was playing!), but this year looks like our best chance ever.
Stevo: Talks utter bollocks, but has beaten the Aussies
The Squad looks strong, there's been some good young lads coming through, and SuperLeague is a tougher competition and better preparation for test level than at any time before. Oh who are we kidding? The main reason we stand a chance is because: 1) Brad Fittler & Tallis have retired, and 2) the Aussies have injuries to key players, most notably Andrew Johns who sustained a career threatening neck injury.
Johns: neck knack
But, could this be another false dawn like so many previously? 2 years ago GB won the first test, the Aussies then decided that they were not going to play touch rugby rules for the second and third tests and battered us. But we live in hope here at RugbyWorlds, for what else is there? Moping around, masochistically thrashing ourselves with the lash of years of abject failure? No, that's the WRU's job and god knows it hasn't done them any good.
So here's wishing the boys luck, and looking forward to a top weekend of Rugby, with the 8 RWC quarter finals and the first test all on the shitpump. The Rugby Swap boys will be watching, look out for such interesting quips as, "You call that bloody tackling?!", and "what's the bloody point in that, all them blokes huddled together walking slowly up the pitch with the ball with some bloke at the back?!".
Many people have had visions of what could be if we have the will to succeed. Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream today” and of course Lionel Richie, in his 80s soul-sapping dirge Say You, Say Me , spoke of having “a dream, an awesome dream”. Of course dreams do vary in magnitude, King’s dream concerned freeing America from racial hatred, whereas Lionel’s was some bollocks about “people in the park, playing games in the dark”.
King: Hero and Legend, Richie: Shite
However, neither of their dreams can compare with the overwhelming wonder of the one we are having here at RugbyWorlds! What we are daring to see is Great Britain’s first Rugby League Ashes triumph since 1970. That's right, we've put up with 33 years of losing to those Green & Gold genetically criminal sods (in fact the last time we beat them Stevo was playing!), but this year looks like our best chance ever.
Stevo: Talks utter bollocks, but has beaten the Aussies
The Squad looks strong, there's been some good young lads coming through, and SuperLeague is a tougher competition and better preparation for test level than at any time before. Oh who are we kidding? The main reason we stand a chance is because: 1) Brad Fittler & Tallis have retired, and 2) the Aussies have injuries to key players, most notably Andrew Johns who sustained a career threatening neck injury.
Johns: neck knack
But, could this be another false dawn like so many previously? 2 years ago GB won the first test, the Aussies then decided that they were not going to play touch rugby rules for the second and third tests and battered us. But we live in hope here at RugbyWorlds, for what else is there? Moping around, masochistically thrashing ourselves with the lash of years of abject failure? No, that's the WRU's job and god knows it hasn't done them any good.
So here's wishing the boys luck, and looking forward to a top weekend of Rugby, with the 8 RWC quarter finals and the first test all on the shitpump. The Rugby Swap boys will be watching, look out for such interesting quips as, "You call that bloody tackling?!", and "what's the bloody point in that, all them blokes huddled together walking slowly up the pitch with the ball with some bloke at the back?!".
Monday, November 03, 2003
RWC End of Phase update.
Featuring:
What do you mean I'm not Captain!!
Wales in "Quite Good game" shocker!
Jammy Scotland
Ireland & the Harlem Globetrotters
Rugby Swap Update!
Lawrence Dallaglio is having a bad time. Not only is he going balder by the day (I guarantee his hairline will meet his crown in time for the semis) and playing rubbish, he has now been passed over as captain against Uruguay. NB: "passed over" is polite speak for "fucking shafted". What's more Woodward gave the captaincy to Phil "50 pasties" Vickery, a man with a lot less caps than baldy and a far more inpenetrable accent, Vickery is quoted as saying "Oim reely feckin cheffed, berraiy feeul serry fer laarence". No, I've no idea either.
However this was obviously a cunning plan by Clive, who is after all a fellow member of the Brethren of Baldies. It was the perfect spur for Lawrence to pull his finger out of the iron in the fire on the new slate, and put in a blinder against Uruguay, better known as We Can't Play Rugby FC. The plan however backfired, because he was shit...again, and was significantly outshone by clubmate Joe Worsley and Lewis "Blonde Kurgen" Moody...again. Woodward will now have to go back to his forwards coach, motivational coach, ball carrying coach, how to get a better combover coach and what to do with a sulking No8 coach and try and work it out. I'll make it simple for you Clive: Pick Worsley. That'll be £500 please.
Dallaglio & Woodward: Both Bald
The shock of the tournament so far has happened. No, not Brian O' Driscolls highlights, Wales have actually played well! A spokesman from the WRU Exec Committee is quoted as saying, "Can't talk now I'm off to another five star luncheon meeting at the Hilton", but we did manage to collar a bloke in a Wales top in Cardiff, and he said "I'm feckin blaadered beht!". So all is about normal in the principality's capital.
All credit to them though, they have shut a few people up, most notably Jonathan Davies. "I couldn't be more disgusted if Hansen had pissed on my face!" he (sort of) said when he read the horrifying team selection last week, "Wont somebody please think of the children!!". He thought he would save some time by writing his analysis for the newspapers on Saturday: "Wales have been hammered and once again I question Steve Hansen's selection policy, what can we possibly learn from...What?! Nearly won! Dynamite performance from the pack? Oh bollocks! Do I have to appear on Scrum V this Friday, I feel like a right twat?" For all his opinions I somehow doubt he'll be at the head of the queue when Hansen vacates his post after the tournament do you?
Scotland surely take the cake for being the most incredibly turgid (or is that turd?) side of the tournament thus far. As was remarked by one disappointed man-in-the-pub during their match against the USA, "I'm so bored I could shit concrete", quite. During the build up to their showdown with France and having to listen to many a pundit waxing about their ability to turn in a good performance when required, their energy, their grit and their determination blah blah blah, my mind could not help but drift to the the title of the seminal text by legendary wit Oscar Wilde, "The Incredible Shiteness of Scotland". Thus it was, thus it is.
Exclusive News from inside the Ireland training camp that explains their incredible line-out form. Turns out that legendary Harlem Globetrotter Meadowlark Lemon has been in teaching them how to "Jump Around", as said by the faux Oirish New York wanker rap trio House of Pain. Indeed Meadowlark has taken the line "If you get the feeling, jump across the ceiling" quite literally and has O'Kelly and O'Connell attached to the dressing room roof by their own braces half hour before kick off, he then gets John Kelly to pull them back and let them go.
Lemon: revolutionary line-out training
After half an hour of this near death, boinging, skull smacking preparation being lifted by two blokes and catching a ball is a doddle. Lemon is quoted as saying "These fellas is dope at the springing, but I ain't got no time for this egg ball shit." Fair point well made.
Rugby Swap Update!
It's week 3 in the house and things are looking up. After a few drinks Rupert, our Union man was introducing Joe, our League man to the delights of after game RU shenanegins. The songs went down well , Hairs on Her Dickie Dido and Sunshine Mountain especially, Joe got into the spirit of things and threw in one of his own, On Ilkeley Moor Baht 'at . However things took a turn for the violent when Rupert started the Flaming Arseholes and attempted to touch Joe's bottom, the details are sketchy, but the words "hommer" and "knock your fucking teeth out" were used.
Featuring:
What do you mean I'm not Captain!!
Wales in "Quite Good game" shocker!
Jammy Scotland
Ireland & the Harlem Globetrotters
Rugby Swap Update!
Lawrence Dallaglio is having a bad time. Not only is he going balder by the day (I guarantee his hairline will meet his crown in time for the semis) and playing rubbish, he has now been passed over as captain against Uruguay. NB: "passed over" is polite speak for "fucking shafted". What's more Woodward gave the captaincy to Phil "50 pasties" Vickery, a man with a lot less caps than baldy and a far more inpenetrable accent, Vickery is quoted as saying "Oim reely feckin cheffed, berraiy feeul serry fer laarence". No, I've no idea either.
However this was obviously a cunning plan by Clive, who is after all a fellow member of the Brethren of Baldies. It was the perfect spur for Lawrence to pull his finger out of the iron in the fire on the new slate, and put in a blinder against Uruguay, better known as We Can't Play Rugby FC. The plan however backfired, because he was shit...again, and was significantly outshone by clubmate Joe Worsley and Lewis "Blonde Kurgen" Moody...again. Woodward will now have to go back to his forwards coach, motivational coach, ball carrying coach, how to get a better combover coach and what to do with a sulking No8 coach and try and work it out. I'll make it simple for you Clive: Pick Worsley. That'll be £500 please.
Dallaglio & Woodward: Both Bald
The shock of the tournament so far has happened. No, not Brian O' Driscolls highlights, Wales have actually played well! A spokesman from the WRU Exec Committee is quoted as saying, "Can't talk now I'm off to another five star luncheon meeting at the Hilton", but we did manage to collar a bloke in a Wales top in Cardiff, and he said "I'm feckin blaadered beht!". So all is about normal in the principality's capital.
All credit to them though, they have shut a few people up, most notably Jonathan Davies. "I couldn't be more disgusted if Hansen had pissed on my face!" he (sort of) said when he read the horrifying team selection last week, "Wont somebody please think of the children!!". He thought he would save some time by writing his analysis for the newspapers on Saturday: "Wales have been hammered and once again I question Steve Hansen's selection policy, what can we possibly learn from...What?! Nearly won! Dynamite performance from the pack? Oh bollocks! Do I have to appear on Scrum V this Friday, I feel like a right twat?" For all his opinions I somehow doubt he'll be at the head of the queue when Hansen vacates his post after the tournament do you?
Scotland surely take the cake for being the most incredibly turgid (or is that turd?) side of the tournament thus far. As was remarked by one disappointed man-in-the-pub during their match against the USA, "I'm so bored I could shit concrete", quite. During the build up to their showdown with France and having to listen to many a pundit waxing about their ability to turn in a good performance when required, their energy, their grit and their determination blah blah blah, my mind could not help but drift to the the title of the seminal text by legendary wit Oscar Wilde, "The Incredible Shiteness of Scotland". Thus it was, thus it is.
Exclusive News from inside the Ireland training camp that explains their incredible line-out form. Turns out that legendary Harlem Globetrotter Meadowlark Lemon has been in teaching them how to "Jump Around", as said by the faux Oirish New York wanker rap trio House of Pain. Indeed Meadowlark has taken the line "If you get the feeling, jump across the ceiling" quite literally and has O'Kelly and O'Connell attached to the dressing room roof by their own braces half hour before kick off, he then gets John Kelly to pull them back and let them go.
Lemon: revolutionary line-out training
After half an hour of this near death, boinging, skull smacking preparation being lifted by two blokes and catching a ball is a doddle. Lemon is quoted as saying "These fellas is dope at the springing, but I ain't got no time for this egg ball shit." Fair point well made.
Rugby Swap Update!
It's week 3 in the house and things are looking up. After a few drinks Rupert, our Union man was introducing Joe, our League man to the delights of after game RU shenanegins. The songs went down well , Hairs on Her Dickie Dido and Sunshine Mountain especially, Joe got into the spirit of things and threw in one of his own, On Ilkeley Moor Baht 'at . However things took a turn for the violent when Rupert started the Flaming Arseholes and attempted to touch Joe's bottom, the details are sketchy, but the words "hommer" and "knock your fucking teeth out" were used.
Friday, October 31, 2003
Welcome to Rugby Worlds!
This place is a (hopefully) funny look at the world of Rugby, both Union and League, we will have "no my code is better than your code" here! In fact this site will be coming together of the codes, the like of which has not been seen since the legs of Beautiful Bobby Barnes and Kendo Nagasaki came together in a figure 4 leg lock one Saturday afternoon in 1986 at Hereford Leisure Centre. Oh how we gasped Grapple Fans!!
Featuring:
Woodward's fantastic calculator!
Rugby Swap!
The Wonder of ITV!
Business Sense, the WRU way!
England have been fined 10 gwand for fielding an extra player against Samoa (who are in fact the second best team in the world, you know their ranking is all wrong), and their fitness coach Dave Reddie has been banned for calling the referee and touchjudge "a pair of silly sausages who smell of poo and wee" (part of the previous sentence may not be true).
Strikes me as a common mistake that could be made, after all England don't have enough staff to watch these things do they? What with a defensive coach, throwing coach, line out coach, vision coach, running coach, conditioning coach, fitness coach, double decker coach and how to get out of bed in the morning and wipe your own arse coach, it is understandable that they are simply too busy to count the players. No doubt Woodward will address this though, either by the use of a revolutionary technique learned from gridiron or by taking on a calculation monitoring executive at a cost of 75k a year to the RFU. Viva professionalism!!
Following the success of the Wife Swap series on Channel 4, we have created Rugby Swap. We have taken a Joe Shufflethorpe, a 56 year old season ticket man from Hunslet RLFC and forced him to live with Rupert Smythe-Hooperson, 57 and lifelong follower of Saracens for the duration of the Rugby World Cup.
On being asked why he volunteered Shufflethorpe said, "Coz I'm going to get that posh bastard told!". Answering the same question Smythe-Hooperson commented "I like northerners, they're very primal, I think it will take a few days for me to understand him but I think we'll be OK". They will only be allowed to take one luxury item with them, Rupert has opted for 5 cigars, Joe has gone for a pound of lard.
Topics already discussed have been: "that David Duckham was a fucking poof", "let me explain why working class people had no right to demand broken time payments" and "what's the bloody point of that bloody excuse for a scrum that you lot have". Tune in next week when Rupert suggests that Alex Murphy did not have as much flair as Rob Andrew.
ITVs coverage of the world cup has been staggering in the level of ineptitude it has reached. From the didgeridoo infused theme tune to the crowning turd in the waterpipe, Will Carling, it has been awful. Jim Rosenthal obviously knows as much about Rugby as Eddie and Stevo, although obviously he doesn't have Stevo's gentle panache. Mind you it must be difficult for him when surely all he wants to do is stand up in a cape and shout "von, ha ha ha ha, two ha ha ha ha, three ha ha ha ha" as he did in his previous job.
The commentators take the biscuit though, Nigel Starmer-Smith and John Taylor. Nigel Starmer Smith believes every game to be a personal pontification session for himself, with the usual victim being the video ref. Not the decisions the video ref makes, no, it's more the very idea of a video ref, the sheer caddery of it all is too much for him. I'm sure Nigel would like to go back to a time when the referee was in total charge, the wonderful era of amateurism! Er, that would be the era when England got tonked on a regular basis, by everyone in the whole world Nigel. But he is still well in with England, if you choose to believe his commentary of the Samoa game "Dawson, to Wilko, inside ball to Robbo, taken on by Backy, Dawso, to JW to Abbo and finally to Cohen, or as he likes me to call him Blingo" Well that's sort of what he said.
John Taylor I have more sympathy for because he is obviously losing his marbles. He usually resorts to just shouting out shirt numbers or random common names he is so far off the pace: "Cooper, to...12..erm...scrum cap...Ponty player, you know , big lad...shanklin, no er....what's that mother, fish for tea, I hate fish..it's with Charvis..what time is the news on...£40!! how much! for 2 coffees and a teacake, on yer bike son... he really glides through Harris there".
THE WRU BUSINESS CONSULTANCY
Case Study 6. "Microsoft Rationalises production across 3 countries"
Mr Gates laid down a very convincing argument for saving $4bn and increasing performance in the Tiger economies. However I informed him that Emyr Gruffud-Jones, Chair of Abercwmtwinfybwl RFC (Division 9 South West) had some reservations that he wished to raise at the EGM next April and the changes would have to wait until then, and then it would have to go to a vote, and then we will have to dance round a rock 9 times and offer up a sarifice to the god Myfanwy.
This place is a (hopefully) funny look at the world of Rugby, both Union and League, we will have "no my code is better than your code" here! In fact this site will be coming together of the codes, the like of which has not been seen since the legs of Beautiful Bobby Barnes and Kendo Nagasaki came together in a figure 4 leg lock one Saturday afternoon in 1986 at Hereford Leisure Centre. Oh how we gasped Grapple Fans!!
Featuring:
Woodward's fantastic calculator!
Rugby Swap!
The Wonder of ITV!
Business Sense, the WRU way!
England have been fined 10 gwand for fielding an extra player against Samoa (who are in fact the second best team in the world, you know their ranking is all wrong), and their fitness coach Dave Reddie has been banned for calling the referee and touchjudge "a pair of silly sausages who smell of poo and wee" (part of the previous sentence may not be true).
Strikes me as a common mistake that could be made, after all England don't have enough staff to watch these things do they? What with a defensive coach, throwing coach, line out coach, vision coach, running coach, conditioning coach, fitness coach, double decker coach and how to get out of bed in the morning and wipe your own arse coach, it is understandable that they are simply too busy to count the players. No doubt Woodward will address this though, either by the use of a revolutionary technique learned from gridiron or by taking on a calculation monitoring executive at a cost of 75k a year to the RFU. Viva professionalism!!
Following the success of the Wife Swap series on Channel 4, we have created Rugby Swap. We have taken a Joe Shufflethorpe, a 56 year old season ticket man from Hunslet RLFC and forced him to live with Rupert Smythe-Hooperson, 57 and lifelong follower of Saracens for the duration of the Rugby World Cup.
On being asked why he volunteered Shufflethorpe said, "Coz I'm going to get that posh bastard told!". Answering the same question Smythe-Hooperson commented "I like northerners, they're very primal, I think it will take a few days for me to understand him but I think we'll be OK". They will only be allowed to take one luxury item with them, Rupert has opted for 5 cigars, Joe has gone for a pound of lard.
Topics already discussed have been: "that David Duckham was a fucking poof", "let me explain why working class people had no right to demand broken time payments" and "what's the bloody point of that bloody excuse for a scrum that you lot have". Tune in next week when Rupert suggests that Alex Murphy did not have as much flair as Rob Andrew.
ITVs coverage of the world cup has been staggering in the level of ineptitude it has reached. From the didgeridoo infused theme tune to the crowning turd in the waterpipe, Will Carling, it has been awful. Jim Rosenthal obviously knows as much about Rugby as Eddie and Stevo, although obviously he doesn't have Stevo's gentle panache. Mind you it must be difficult for him when surely all he wants to do is stand up in a cape and shout "von, ha ha ha ha, two ha ha ha ha, three ha ha ha ha" as he did in his previous job.
The commentators take the biscuit though, Nigel Starmer-Smith and John Taylor. Nigel Starmer Smith believes every game to be a personal pontification session for himself, with the usual victim being the video ref. Not the decisions the video ref makes, no, it's more the very idea of a video ref, the sheer caddery of it all is too much for him. I'm sure Nigel would like to go back to a time when the referee was in total charge, the wonderful era of amateurism! Er, that would be the era when England got tonked on a regular basis, by everyone in the whole world Nigel. But he is still well in with England, if you choose to believe his commentary of the Samoa game "Dawson, to Wilko, inside ball to Robbo, taken on by Backy, Dawso, to JW to Abbo and finally to Cohen, or as he likes me to call him Blingo" Well that's sort of what he said.
John Taylor I have more sympathy for because he is obviously losing his marbles. He usually resorts to just shouting out shirt numbers or random common names he is so far off the pace: "Cooper, to...12..erm...scrum cap...Ponty player, you know , big lad...shanklin, no er....what's that mother, fish for tea, I hate fish..it's with Charvis..what time is the news on...£40!! how much! for 2 coffees and a teacake, on yer bike son... he really glides through Harris there".
THE WRU BUSINESS CONSULTANCY
Case Study 6. "Microsoft Rationalises production across 3 countries"
Mr Gates laid down a very convincing argument for saving $4bn and increasing performance in the Tiger economies. However I informed him that Emyr Gruffud-Jones, Chair of Abercwmtwinfybwl RFC (Division 9 South West) had some reservations that he wished to raise at the EGM next April and the changes would have to wait until then, and then it would have to go to a vote, and then we will have to dance round a rock 9 times and offer up a sarifice to the god Myfanwy.
